It seems like it has taken a long time to get to a point where there were finally answers. His diagnosis went from ADHD to PDD on the Autism Spectrum in a matter of one year. For so long it has been a challenging journey as a mom, particularly with Caleb. Over and over again I get asked when I started to notice there were issues with him. The most painful questions I am asked regard his developmental milestones.
He and I went through so much from the time he was conceived until now. It's like I have shut down that part of my life and his life because I really cannot remember when he first spoke, first sat up, rolled over or smiled. The only thing I do remember is when he started walking, which was about the same time his older sister did.
Caleb was almost four years old when I finally got him potty trained. He struggled with words but I just attributed that to a common issue with some kids. I am grateful that I got him into Head Start Pre-K though. They were the ones who caught his developmental delays and began working with him.
At four years old he had very poor motor skills. He couldn't hold a crayon or a jumbo pencil. His speech and language skills were like that of a toddler.Caleb also hated transitions during the day too. The most challenging part of the day was lunch. He ended up being separated from his class by having to sit at the end of the table, alone. Worse yet, he was showing aggression towards his classmates. So much so that his first set of teachers who were new to the classroom couldn't handle him. Then it came to the point that the Head Start Director and I agreed he needed to be switched to the other set of teachers who had over 30 years experience, combined. Before the end of the school year an IEP was created and I met with the Behavioral Specialist who insisted he get tested for ADHD. I was also encouraged to visit with a local non profit behavioral program. At that point I was discouraged, disappointed and I guess in some ways, angry. Caleb and I had been through so much and it was like a slap in the face for someone to just blatantly come out and say your child probably has ADHD.
I admit that I didn't bother checking into getting him tested. Well, actually I spoke with a friend who was a case manager for a local mental health center. He was in charge of teen boys with various behavior and mental problems so I trusted he knew what he was talking about when he said my son wouldn't be tested until he got to the first grade. So I let that part go and I did check into the behavioral program. While they were somewhat encouraging, I decided it wasn't for us. First off, they also wanted me to include the younger brother (who was ONE) in an off-to-the-side prevention program. Secondly, I couldn't bring my older daughter so I had to find a babysitter which was a challenge at that time.
Then came kindergarten. Caleb ended up with two different teachers at the beginning of the year. But it didn't have to do with his behavior yet I was concerned about the transition. Because the school was getting ready to move into the new building they had to add another kindergarten teacher so Caleb was transferred to the new teachers class. And I was very glad. I liked the first teacher when I first met her until a very minor incident one day. I received a phone call from the assistant that another classmate had stuck a bead in Caleb's ear and it wasn't coming out. She wanted me to come get him and take him to his pediatrician. It wasn't five minutes after I checked him out of school that the bead came out of his ear quite easily. At the encouragement and recommendation of my friends and neighbors I took him back to school. Just as I was checking him back in his teacher and her assistant came walking by the office. When they both seen us they made it clear they were not happy I brought him back. Both rolled their eyes and sighed in discouragement as if they dreaded seeing him back. Right after that incident is when I found out he was getting a new teacher and I had high hopes this one would be better.
I finally met his new teacher at the grand opening ceremony. She was so bubbly, excited and very passionate. In fact every time I came in for a meeting she thanked and praised me for being a caring parent. She explained that some of the parents who were married never bothered to show any interest in their children's education.
Caleb's kindergarten teacher and assistant always showed effort and did all they could to include him in the class activities. They treated every child like they have potential. He had his up days and down days but Caleb progressed in tiny steps. He Never got suspended from school the entire year. He did fine on the school bus too. His behavior hardly warranted a trip to the principal just that his desk was most of the time next to his teachers. At the end of the year IEP the principal even discussed Caleb's gradual progress and talked about the potential she seen in him even for the next year. But little did I know how much would change in a year.
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